Fic: Undertow Rated R 26/30
Sep. 28th, 2008 05:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
polgara_5Title: Undertow
By: Polgara
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I own none of the recognizable characters. They belong to their respective creators and distributors.
Distribution: My site – Worlds of Possibilities, ff.net, Wormhole Crossing, and TtH.
Spoilers: Everything for Buffy is fair game. Everything up to and including season seven of Stargate SG-1. There will be very specific spoilers for season seven. You have been warned.
Setting: Takes place right after Homecoming of Stargate and three years after Chosen.
Summary: When someone close to Buffy dies, she finds herself on Jack’s doorstep. Before long, events and emotions pull them into something greater than they ever imagined.
A/N: My author notes are here for a reason, please read. If you still ask questions that are answered here, I will not answer them again. Do not beg for updates.
A/N2: I’ve only altered canon slightly. Ignore the whole Jack/Sam thing, it doesn’t exist here. And I’ve created a previous relationship between Buffy and Jack. It will get explained eventually, just be patient.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Dave frowned as he watched Buffy approach the gate with the medic team. While she still moved with more grace than most people, her actions were stilted, as if she was running on automatic. He knew it wouldn’t be apparent to most, but after training and working with her for the past five months, he could clearly see the difference.
She waited until it was only the two of them left before crossing the event horizon with him. Her silence upon their arrival on Earth was another clue that there was something seriously wrong. Handing off her P-90 her movements were almost sluggish and her steps seemed to drag as they walked to the infirmary.
He knew that the staff there was going to be hard pressed to deal with the injuries the teams had sustained and do the regular post-mission check, but the moment things had begun to calm, he grabbed a nurse to check on Buffy. He paced nervously as she checked her over, growing more concerned that the blonde didn’t let out one word of protest during the examination. Her eyes were glazed and fixed on the wall in front of her, never acknowledging his movements.
After what felt like forever, the nurse guided him to a spot a short distance away and spoke to him in a hushed voice. “Physically she’s fine, but she’s showing signs of an emotional shock. I suspect the firefight was too much for her.”
The words sounded wrong to Dave. He knew it couldn’t have been the firefight itself that had caused this. More than likely, it was the combination of Simon and Jack’s injuries and Dr. Fraiser’s death. Despite how well Buffy had been doing, he knew that she was still haunted by her sister’s death.
“What can we do for her?” He asked.
“She’s just going to need time,” the nurse said gently. “It wouldn’t hurt letting her take a shower and get some rest. She needs time to process everything that happened.”
He nodded as Jeff walked into the infirmary. “How’s Simon?” The archaeologist asked, joining them. The nurse gave him a polite smile before moving on to another patient.
“In surgery, but we have other problems,” Dave said, gesturing to where Buffy sat on the edge of a bed, motionless since the nurse had stepped away.
“What’s wrong?” Jeff whispered.
“Not sure yet, but I have my suspicions. We need to – “Dave began, but was interrupted by General Hammond.
“Colonel Dixon, I need to speak with you.”
“I’ll be right there, sir,” he said, before turning back to Jeff. “Take her back to her room. She understands everything that’s being said. Have her take a shower and then get some rest. Under no circumstances are you to let her leave that room, do you understand?”
Balinsky nodded his head, a perplexed expression on his face, but he walked over to Buffy. While she responded to his gentle suggestion, she didn’t speak or look at him.
Dave wearily ran a hand over his face before leaving to meet with Hammond.
XXXXXXXX
Buffy awoke to the sound of a pen scratching over paper. Her thoughts flew in a jumbled mess as she tried to orient herself to her surroundings. She began to recognize the dimly lit room as the one she used when staying on base, which meant the scratching sound was caused by Jack working on his unending paperwork.
A frown marred her features as she recognized Dave’s larger form sitting at the table rather than Jack’s slimmer body. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and the rustling of the sheets cause Dave to look up from his work.
“How are you feeling?” He softly asked.
“Okay, I guess. Where’s Jack?”
Dave sighed and stood. He picked up the chair he was sitting in to bring it next to her bed. Sitting down, he carefully asked, “What do you remember about yesterday?”
Her forehead crinkled as she tried to organize her hazy memories. “You ordered us back to the gate and Simon got shot from behind.”
“And then?” He prompted.
“I stayed there until Daniel and Dr. Fraiser showed up and they took over. I covered them from the ridge.”
“Good. Anything else?”
Tears filled her eyes as images assaulted her. “I… I… Janet got shot,” she said, her voice breaking. “She’s dead, isn’t she?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Did Daniel get hurt, too? Is that why Jack’s not here? Is he sitting with him?”
“What else do you remember?” Dave prompted instead.
“I don’t really remember anything else,” she said with a shake of her head, tears running down her cheeks. “It’s all kind of blurry after Janet. What happened? Is Simon okay? Where’s Jack?”
“Wells just got out of surgery ten minutes ago. He’s going to be fine.”
“And where’s Jack?” She asked again, her small hand fisting the comforter.
Dave hated to be the one to break the news to her. He could have sworn that she heard him calling for a medic for Jack over the radio, but apparently she had been too wrapped up in what was going on in her section of the battle.
“He got hit with a staff blast.”
She gasped in horror as one hand flew up to cover her mouth. “Oh god, oh god, oh god,” she chanted, her eyes wide and fearful.
“He’s fine,” he assured her. “It hit squarely on one of the new vest inserts. He’s just banged up a bit and little singed.”
“Can I go see him?” She whispered, her breath coming in uneven spurts.
“Yeah. Why don’t you get dressed and wash your face,” he said gently. “I’ll be waiting right outside the door to take you to him.”
Her eyes drifted shut as she listened to the scraping noise as Dave returned the chair to it proper place before quietly leaving the room. It took her several minutes to be sure that her shaking legs would hold her before standing and heading to the bathroom. She refused to look in the mirror as she rinsed her face off with cold water. She already intimately familiar with the haunted look that would be staring back at her and she had no desire to see it.
Carefully, she toweled her face dry and pulled her hair back into a low ponytail. Her mind was still numb as she put on random clothing from the dresser drawers. It was nothing more than a t-shirt and a pair of cargo pants. She could have cared less if they matched or not.
Dave gave her a reassuring look when she opened the door before leading her down the hall.
“Can I see Simon, too?” She asked.
“In a little bit. They aren’t allowing visitors yet. I’ll let you know the moment we’re allowed in.”
When they arrived at Jack’s room, she hesitated, suddenly unsure. She knew that Dave said he was fine, but that didn’t mean that things were fine. That mission had gone so horribly wrong and she was well aware that a good deal of it was her fault. She hadn’t sensed the Jaffa before it had shot Simon, which meant everybody who had died or got injured coming to save them was all her fault because of her incompetence.
“Take all the time you need,” Dave said. “I’ll be right here.”
The tiny blonde didn’t say anything, but opened the door scared of what lay beyond it. Scared that Jack would blame her for what had happened. That somehow he would know it was all her fault. That it would be over between them.
Jack sat propped up with several pillows on the bed working a crossword puzzle book. He was shirtless and she could see the white bandage wrapped around his midsection, stark against his tanned skin. Her heart leapt in her throat as she realized how close she had been to losing him. If it hadn’t been for those new inserts, he would have been lost to her and she wouldn’t have known until long after the fact. Her mind screamed at her to run away, but her feet refused to move.
“Hey, you,” he said, an honest smile tugging at his lips. He tossed the book and pen to the nightstand and opened his arms.
Her sudden paralysis vanished as if it had never been and she ran to him, burying her face into his shoulder, careful not to squeeze him too tightly. He smelled of hospital and antiseptic, but underneath it all she could still detect his spicy scent.
“How are you doing?” He asked, resting his cheek against her head. Dave had given him a quick report the night before and he hated that he couldn’t go to her.
“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed.
“For what?”
“It’s all my fault. If I had –“
“Hey,” Jack interrupted. “He snuck up on you, shot Wells in the back. You couldn’t have known.”
“I should have sensed him,” she insisted, pulling back and sitting on the edge of the bed.
His hand reached up to cup her face. The calloused pad of his thumb rubbed at the tears on her cheek. “I know you put a lot of faith in that spidey sense of yours, but that doesn’t mean it’s always perfect. You’re human, Buffy.”
“And I missed the one that got Janet, too,” she said softly, refusing to look him in the eye.
“That was not your fault either. I’ve talked to Daniel. I know that Jaffa was on the other side of the clearing, there’s no way you knew he was there. And you weren’t the only one out there to protect them. They missed him, too. The blame does not rest on your shoulders, you hear me?”
Instead of responding, she just fell back into his arms.
XXXXXXXX
Half an hour later, Buffy emerged from Jack’s recovery room, her eyes dry but red rimmed. Dave reached out to give her shoulder a squeeze before walking with her to see Simon. He hadn’t gone to see him yet, either. Jeff had only popped his head in minutes before Buffy had awoken to let him know he was going to make it.
A nurse was just leaving the recovery room when they arrived. Dave gestured for Buffy to go in without him as he stayed behind to speak with the nurse.
Simon was pale against the white sheets as different wires and tubes connected him to the various pieces of equipment keeping track of his vitals. While this wasn’t Buffy’s first time in a room like this, it never failed to intimidate her, and worry her.
With slow, simple movements, she carried one of the hard plastic chairs to the side of the bed with least amount of equipment. Carefully, she grasped one of Simon’s hands with her own as she sat down.
“See, I told you. You made it,” she said with a small smile. “You’ll get to go home to Marci soon and that little boy is going to know his daddy.”
A shaky hand reached out to brush the hair off of his forehead. She could still remember how warm his blood was on her hands as it seeped through the bandages as she had done her best to keep him alive, trying to correct her mistake.
“If only this had happened to me, this wouldn’t be a problem. We know I would have been able to survive this. These sort of things aren’t supposed to happen to you. Now it’s too late for Janet,” she said, sniffling slightly and trying to force herself not to cry.
“Did you know that Jack got hurt, too? I didn’t know until I woke up a little while ago. Everything happened so fast, Simon, and I’m sorry that I failed you. I failed Janet, and I failed everyone else out there. I didn’t do my job, now them and you are paying the price for it.”
She fell silent and listened to the steady beeping of the machines assuring her that he was alive. A short time later, Dave walked in and she gave him a watery smile as he pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed.
“Where’s Jeff?” She asked.
“Sent him home. He was up watching you until I relieved him and then he was here waiting for news on Wells.”
“Shouldn’t you be home with Sharon and the kids?” She asked.
“I’ve already talked to her. She understands that I’m needed here,” Dave explained.
“But – “
“She understands, Buffy. And I’ll get some rest when he wakes up.”
Buffy nodded, knowing she’d do the same in his position. Together they started their silent vigil.
Sometime later, Daniel walked into the hushed room. “I hate to do this, but General Hammond wants to speak with both of you in his office now.”
“Did he say what for?” Dave asked, already getting to his feet.
“No, I have a feeling it has something to do about the NID being here.”
“Damn it,” Dave muttered before looking over to Buffy. “It’s not going to be good, Summers. Let’s get moving.”
She nodded and stood. She placed a soft kiss on Simon’s forehead before whispering in his ear. “Don’t worry. We’ll be right back. We’re not going to leave you.”
“I’ll stay with him,” Daniel offered.
“Thank you,” she said, before leaving the room with Dave.
XXXXXXXX
Buffy suffered from a slight case of déjà vu as she and Dave sat across from General Hammond. Even though it had only been a few days since she and Jack had received word about the documentary crew in this manner, it had felt like years with everything that had happened since then. Again, General Hammond gave her an apologetic look before speaking.
“As a result of the command decisions during your last mission, those involved are facing a review from the NID. They will be interviewed by their representative Mr. Richard Woolsey.”
She looked over at Dave. “Does this include you?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” he replied.
“Because you were not directly involved in any of the command decisions you are technically not part of the group to be interviewed,” Hammond looked at Buffy as he continued. “However, I do not trust the NID or Woolsey and they may try to force the issue. Because of this, I want you to remain off base for the duration of the inquiry, effective immediately after you finish your mission report.”
Buffy sighed as she nodded her head. She had no desire to be questioned by the NID. Jack had told her plenty of horror stories about the organization and she wanted to remain as far away from them as possible.
“Colonel Dixon is to accompany you while you complete your report. He is then to escort you off base and to your home. You are to speak to no one else so that Woolsey cannot learn of your departure and try to prevent it.”
“But Simon and Jack – “ she began.
“Dixon can inform Airman Wells when he awakes. I, myself, am going to apprise Colonel O’Neill of the situation when we finish here. They will understand,” he said, gently but firmly.
Buffy could tell by his eyes that he wasn’t going to budge on this. She understood that he was concerned not only for her and the other slayers, but the people under his command as well. It was going to be hard leaving without saying goodbye, even if it was only for a few days. She had wanted to remain by Simon’s side until he had awakened. She needed to know if he would ever forgive her for screwing up.
“I realize how hard this is for you, Buffy,” George said softly. “But I’m afraid that this is the best I can do for all concerned under the circumstances.”
“I understand,” she said wearily as she stood.
XXXXXXXXX
They didn’t speak the entire way home although Dave opened his mouth several times only to think better of it and close it again. For her part, she just leaned her head against the cool glass of the passenger window and stared blankly at the scenery passing by.
As if what had happened on the planet wasn’t bad enough, now they were being forced to examine their actions. She knew they would discover that she was to blame and lose whatever trust she had earned from both her team and Jack's, not to mention the General.
It wasn’t fair. She was no sooner finally getting her life back together to have it all fall apart again. She barely noticed when Dave pulled into the drive and shifted the vehicle into park. The low rumble of the Suburban’s engine idling filled her ears.
“If you want, I can take you to my house,” he offered. “Sharon would love to have you stay.”
“When do you get to go home?” She asked, turning to look at him.
“When Wells wakes up and after my interview. Jack’s not going to be allowed to come home for at least a few days.”
“I know,” she said, resting her head back against the glass, not really wanting to think about it.
“You really shouldn’t be alone. Shar -“
“Thank you, but no. I actually just want to be alone. Sharon is great and so are the kids, but I think it would be too much.”
Dave chuckled. “They can be a handful.”
“You should stop and see them on your way back to the mountain,” she said, undoing her seat belt and reaching for the silver door handle.
“Already planned on it,” he assured her.
“Good,” she said, taking in a deep breath and letting it out. “Let me know when I can come back to the base,” she said, giving the door a small push to open it and climbed her way out of the large vehicle.
“I’ll stop by and check on you tomorrow and everyday until Jack is home.”
“Thanks,” she said, and then shut the door. She made her way up the walk in a daze. Her movements were lethargic as she slid her house key into the lock and twisted, feeling the pressure of the tumblers inside. She opened the door and turned to give Dave a small wave. Seeing she was safe inside, he returned the wave before backing the Suburban out of the driveway.
XXXXXXXXXX
Buffy lay in the dark staring up at the ceiling over her and Jack’s bed. Sleep had been eluding her weary body for over three hours. Her mind wouldn’t stop obsessing over the mission, the inquiry, and what the future might hold.
She had become too complacent in her life here. Had allowed herself to be comfortable while off world with her team. They had slipped behind her defenses and now she cared too much about them. Her slayer’s edge had been dulled. Instead of keeping an eye out for the enemy, she was more interested in the naming of Simon’s unborn son.
Maybe this was the true reason why the slayer traditionally worked alone. While the connection to the world gave her something to fight for, they were also a liability. They distracted her from her duty and her sloppiness had serious consequences.
If that was true then she could no longer be an effective member of the team, which also meant failure. Things were already bad at the SGC because of her screw up and with the current president having less than a month left in office he wouldn’t be able to help her – not that she wanted him to. She only wanted to stay if she was still a valuable member, but she was beginning to believe that wasn’t going to be the case.
Despite what Jack had told her during her visit that day, she knew she should be held accountable for what happened out in the field and the inquiry. It was only a matter of time before he looked closely at the facts and realized that she was right. For now, he was too close to her to see everything clearly.
She rolled over to her side to look out the window. The moon lit the backyard and it seemed to call to her. When had been the last time she patrolled? It had been long before she moved to Colorado Springs.
Even though Willow and the others had long since accepted that she was happy here, perhaps their first assessment was correct. Maybe she was abandoning her calling by working here. This whole mission could have been a sadistic sign from the Powers to get her back on the straight and narrow. To return to the tried and true method of being a slayer – patrolling the streets for vampires and demons. Alone.
It was a possibility.
A return to what she obviously did best. She could make her break from the SGC and Jack on her own terms. Go back to Cleveland to reorient herself and then pick out a remote hotspot to use her slayer abilities.
Buffy threw back the sheets and went to make a phone call. Ignoring the small voice in the back of her head telling her that she was actually just running from Jack and the possibility of losing another person she loved.
By: Polgara
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I own none of the recognizable characters. They belong to their respective creators and distributors.
Distribution: My site – Worlds of Possibilities, ff.net, Wormhole Crossing, and TtH.
Spoilers: Everything for Buffy is fair game. Everything up to and including season seven of Stargate SG-1. There will be very specific spoilers for season seven. You have been warned.
Setting: Takes place right after Homecoming of Stargate and three years after Chosen.
Summary: When someone close to Buffy dies, she finds herself on Jack’s doorstep. Before long, events and emotions pull them into something greater than they ever imagined.
A/N: My author notes are here for a reason, please read. If you still ask questions that are answered here, I will not answer them again. Do not beg for updates.
A/N2: I’ve only altered canon slightly. Ignore the whole Jack/Sam thing, it doesn’t exist here. And I’ve created a previous relationship between Buffy and Jack. It will get explained eventually, just be patient.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Dave frowned as he watched Buffy approach the gate with the medic team. While she still moved with more grace than most people, her actions were stilted, as if she was running on automatic. He knew it wouldn’t be apparent to most, but after training and working with her for the past five months, he could clearly see the difference.
She waited until it was only the two of them left before crossing the event horizon with him. Her silence upon their arrival on Earth was another clue that there was something seriously wrong. Handing off her P-90 her movements were almost sluggish and her steps seemed to drag as they walked to the infirmary.
He knew that the staff there was going to be hard pressed to deal with the injuries the teams had sustained and do the regular post-mission check, but the moment things had begun to calm, he grabbed a nurse to check on Buffy. He paced nervously as she checked her over, growing more concerned that the blonde didn’t let out one word of protest during the examination. Her eyes were glazed and fixed on the wall in front of her, never acknowledging his movements.
After what felt like forever, the nurse guided him to a spot a short distance away and spoke to him in a hushed voice. “Physically she’s fine, but she’s showing signs of an emotional shock. I suspect the firefight was too much for her.”
The words sounded wrong to Dave. He knew it couldn’t have been the firefight itself that had caused this. More than likely, it was the combination of Simon and Jack’s injuries and Dr. Fraiser’s death. Despite how well Buffy had been doing, he knew that she was still haunted by her sister’s death.
“What can we do for her?” He asked.
“She’s just going to need time,” the nurse said gently. “It wouldn’t hurt letting her take a shower and get some rest. She needs time to process everything that happened.”
He nodded as Jeff walked into the infirmary. “How’s Simon?” The archaeologist asked, joining them. The nurse gave him a polite smile before moving on to another patient.
“In surgery, but we have other problems,” Dave said, gesturing to where Buffy sat on the edge of a bed, motionless since the nurse had stepped away.
“What’s wrong?” Jeff whispered.
“Not sure yet, but I have my suspicions. We need to – “Dave began, but was interrupted by General Hammond.
“Colonel Dixon, I need to speak with you.”
“I’ll be right there, sir,” he said, before turning back to Jeff. “Take her back to her room. She understands everything that’s being said. Have her take a shower and then get some rest. Under no circumstances are you to let her leave that room, do you understand?”
Balinsky nodded his head, a perplexed expression on his face, but he walked over to Buffy. While she responded to his gentle suggestion, she didn’t speak or look at him.
Dave wearily ran a hand over his face before leaving to meet with Hammond.
XXXXXXXX
Buffy awoke to the sound of a pen scratching over paper. Her thoughts flew in a jumbled mess as she tried to orient herself to her surroundings. She began to recognize the dimly lit room as the one she used when staying on base, which meant the scratching sound was caused by Jack working on his unending paperwork.
A frown marred her features as she recognized Dave’s larger form sitting at the table rather than Jack’s slimmer body. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and the rustling of the sheets cause Dave to look up from his work.
“How are you feeling?” He softly asked.
“Okay, I guess. Where’s Jack?”
Dave sighed and stood. He picked up the chair he was sitting in to bring it next to her bed. Sitting down, he carefully asked, “What do you remember about yesterday?”
Her forehead crinkled as she tried to organize her hazy memories. “You ordered us back to the gate and Simon got shot from behind.”
“And then?” He prompted.
“I stayed there until Daniel and Dr. Fraiser showed up and they took over. I covered them from the ridge.”
“Good. Anything else?”
Tears filled her eyes as images assaulted her. “I… I… Janet got shot,” she said, her voice breaking. “She’s dead, isn’t she?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Did Daniel get hurt, too? Is that why Jack’s not here? Is he sitting with him?”
“What else do you remember?” Dave prompted instead.
“I don’t really remember anything else,” she said with a shake of her head, tears running down her cheeks. “It’s all kind of blurry after Janet. What happened? Is Simon okay? Where’s Jack?”
“Wells just got out of surgery ten minutes ago. He’s going to be fine.”
“And where’s Jack?” She asked again, her small hand fisting the comforter.
Dave hated to be the one to break the news to her. He could have sworn that she heard him calling for a medic for Jack over the radio, but apparently she had been too wrapped up in what was going on in her section of the battle.
“He got hit with a staff blast.”
She gasped in horror as one hand flew up to cover her mouth. “Oh god, oh god, oh god,” she chanted, her eyes wide and fearful.
“He’s fine,” he assured her. “It hit squarely on one of the new vest inserts. He’s just banged up a bit and little singed.”
“Can I go see him?” She whispered, her breath coming in uneven spurts.
“Yeah. Why don’t you get dressed and wash your face,” he said gently. “I’ll be waiting right outside the door to take you to him.”
Her eyes drifted shut as she listened to the scraping noise as Dave returned the chair to it proper place before quietly leaving the room. It took her several minutes to be sure that her shaking legs would hold her before standing and heading to the bathroom. She refused to look in the mirror as she rinsed her face off with cold water. She already intimately familiar with the haunted look that would be staring back at her and she had no desire to see it.
Carefully, she toweled her face dry and pulled her hair back into a low ponytail. Her mind was still numb as she put on random clothing from the dresser drawers. It was nothing more than a t-shirt and a pair of cargo pants. She could have cared less if they matched or not.
Dave gave her a reassuring look when she opened the door before leading her down the hall.
“Can I see Simon, too?” She asked.
“In a little bit. They aren’t allowing visitors yet. I’ll let you know the moment we’re allowed in.”
When they arrived at Jack’s room, she hesitated, suddenly unsure. She knew that Dave said he was fine, but that didn’t mean that things were fine. That mission had gone so horribly wrong and she was well aware that a good deal of it was her fault. She hadn’t sensed the Jaffa before it had shot Simon, which meant everybody who had died or got injured coming to save them was all her fault because of her incompetence.
“Take all the time you need,” Dave said. “I’ll be right here.”
The tiny blonde didn’t say anything, but opened the door scared of what lay beyond it. Scared that Jack would blame her for what had happened. That somehow he would know it was all her fault. That it would be over between them.
Jack sat propped up with several pillows on the bed working a crossword puzzle book. He was shirtless and she could see the white bandage wrapped around his midsection, stark against his tanned skin. Her heart leapt in her throat as she realized how close she had been to losing him. If it hadn’t been for those new inserts, he would have been lost to her and she wouldn’t have known until long after the fact. Her mind screamed at her to run away, but her feet refused to move.
“Hey, you,” he said, an honest smile tugging at his lips. He tossed the book and pen to the nightstand and opened his arms.
Her sudden paralysis vanished as if it had never been and she ran to him, burying her face into his shoulder, careful not to squeeze him too tightly. He smelled of hospital and antiseptic, but underneath it all she could still detect his spicy scent.
“How are you doing?” He asked, resting his cheek against her head. Dave had given him a quick report the night before and he hated that he couldn’t go to her.
“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed.
“For what?”
“It’s all my fault. If I had –“
“Hey,” Jack interrupted. “He snuck up on you, shot Wells in the back. You couldn’t have known.”
“I should have sensed him,” she insisted, pulling back and sitting on the edge of the bed.
His hand reached up to cup her face. The calloused pad of his thumb rubbed at the tears on her cheek. “I know you put a lot of faith in that spidey sense of yours, but that doesn’t mean it’s always perfect. You’re human, Buffy.”
“And I missed the one that got Janet, too,” she said softly, refusing to look him in the eye.
“That was not your fault either. I’ve talked to Daniel. I know that Jaffa was on the other side of the clearing, there’s no way you knew he was there. And you weren’t the only one out there to protect them. They missed him, too. The blame does not rest on your shoulders, you hear me?”
Instead of responding, she just fell back into his arms.
XXXXXXXX
Half an hour later, Buffy emerged from Jack’s recovery room, her eyes dry but red rimmed. Dave reached out to give her shoulder a squeeze before walking with her to see Simon. He hadn’t gone to see him yet, either. Jeff had only popped his head in minutes before Buffy had awoken to let him know he was going to make it.
A nurse was just leaving the recovery room when they arrived. Dave gestured for Buffy to go in without him as he stayed behind to speak with the nurse.
Simon was pale against the white sheets as different wires and tubes connected him to the various pieces of equipment keeping track of his vitals. While this wasn’t Buffy’s first time in a room like this, it never failed to intimidate her, and worry her.
With slow, simple movements, she carried one of the hard plastic chairs to the side of the bed with least amount of equipment. Carefully, she grasped one of Simon’s hands with her own as she sat down.
“See, I told you. You made it,” she said with a small smile. “You’ll get to go home to Marci soon and that little boy is going to know his daddy.”
A shaky hand reached out to brush the hair off of his forehead. She could still remember how warm his blood was on her hands as it seeped through the bandages as she had done her best to keep him alive, trying to correct her mistake.
“If only this had happened to me, this wouldn’t be a problem. We know I would have been able to survive this. These sort of things aren’t supposed to happen to you. Now it’s too late for Janet,” she said, sniffling slightly and trying to force herself not to cry.
“Did you know that Jack got hurt, too? I didn’t know until I woke up a little while ago. Everything happened so fast, Simon, and I’m sorry that I failed you. I failed Janet, and I failed everyone else out there. I didn’t do my job, now them and you are paying the price for it.”
She fell silent and listened to the steady beeping of the machines assuring her that he was alive. A short time later, Dave walked in and she gave him a watery smile as he pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed.
“Where’s Jeff?” She asked.
“Sent him home. He was up watching you until I relieved him and then he was here waiting for news on Wells.”
“Shouldn’t you be home with Sharon and the kids?” She asked.
“I’ve already talked to her. She understands that I’m needed here,” Dave explained.
“But – “
“She understands, Buffy. And I’ll get some rest when he wakes up.”
Buffy nodded, knowing she’d do the same in his position. Together they started their silent vigil.
Sometime later, Daniel walked into the hushed room. “I hate to do this, but General Hammond wants to speak with both of you in his office now.”
“Did he say what for?” Dave asked, already getting to his feet.
“No, I have a feeling it has something to do about the NID being here.”
“Damn it,” Dave muttered before looking over to Buffy. “It’s not going to be good, Summers. Let’s get moving.”
She nodded and stood. She placed a soft kiss on Simon’s forehead before whispering in his ear. “Don’t worry. We’ll be right back. We’re not going to leave you.”
“I’ll stay with him,” Daniel offered.
“Thank you,” she said, before leaving the room with Dave.
XXXXXXXX
Buffy suffered from a slight case of déjà vu as she and Dave sat across from General Hammond. Even though it had only been a few days since she and Jack had received word about the documentary crew in this manner, it had felt like years with everything that had happened since then. Again, General Hammond gave her an apologetic look before speaking.
“As a result of the command decisions during your last mission, those involved are facing a review from the NID. They will be interviewed by their representative Mr. Richard Woolsey.”
She looked over at Dave. “Does this include you?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” he replied.
“Because you were not directly involved in any of the command decisions you are technically not part of the group to be interviewed,” Hammond looked at Buffy as he continued. “However, I do not trust the NID or Woolsey and they may try to force the issue. Because of this, I want you to remain off base for the duration of the inquiry, effective immediately after you finish your mission report.”
Buffy sighed as she nodded her head. She had no desire to be questioned by the NID. Jack had told her plenty of horror stories about the organization and she wanted to remain as far away from them as possible.
“Colonel Dixon is to accompany you while you complete your report. He is then to escort you off base and to your home. You are to speak to no one else so that Woolsey cannot learn of your departure and try to prevent it.”
“But Simon and Jack – “ she began.
“Dixon can inform Airman Wells when he awakes. I, myself, am going to apprise Colonel O’Neill of the situation when we finish here. They will understand,” he said, gently but firmly.
Buffy could tell by his eyes that he wasn’t going to budge on this. She understood that he was concerned not only for her and the other slayers, but the people under his command as well. It was going to be hard leaving without saying goodbye, even if it was only for a few days. She had wanted to remain by Simon’s side until he had awakened. She needed to know if he would ever forgive her for screwing up.
“I realize how hard this is for you, Buffy,” George said softly. “But I’m afraid that this is the best I can do for all concerned under the circumstances.”
“I understand,” she said wearily as she stood.
XXXXXXXXX
They didn’t speak the entire way home although Dave opened his mouth several times only to think better of it and close it again. For her part, she just leaned her head against the cool glass of the passenger window and stared blankly at the scenery passing by.
As if what had happened on the planet wasn’t bad enough, now they were being forced to examine their actions. She knew they would discover that she was to blame and lose whatever trust she had earned from both her team and Jack's, not to mention the General.
It wasn’t fair. She was no sooner finally getting her life back together to have it all fall apart again. She barely noticed when Dave pulled into the drive and shifted the vehicle into park. The low rumble of the Suburban’s engine idling filled her ears.
“If you want, I can take you to my house,” he offered. “Sharon would love to have you stay.”
“When do you get to go home?” She asked, turning to look at him.
“When Wells wakes up and after my interview. Jack’s not going to be allowed to come home for at least a few days.”
“I know,” she said, resting her head back against the glass, not really wanting to think about it.
“You really shouldn’t be alone. Shar -“
“Thank you, but no. I actually just want to be alone. Sharon is great and so are the kids, but I think it would be too much.”
Dave chuckled. “They can be a handful.”
“You should stop and see them on your way back to the mountain,” she said, undoing her seat belt and reaching for the silver door handle.
“Already planned on it,” he assured her.
“Good,” she said, taking in a deep breath and letting it out. “Let me know when I can come back to the base,” she said, giving the door a small push to open it and climbed her way out of the large vehicle.
“I’ll stop by and check on you tomorrow and everyday until Jack is home.”
“Thanks,” she said, and then shut the door. She made her way up the walk in a daze. Her movements were lethargic as she slid her house key into the lock and twisted, feeling the pressure of the tumblers inside. She opened the door and turned to give Dave a small wave. Seeing she was safe inside, he returned the wave before backing the Suburban out of the driveway.
XXXXXXXXXX
Buffy lay in the dark staring up at the ceiling over her and Jack’s bed. Sleep had been eluding her weary body for over three hours. Her mind wouldn’t stop obsessing over the mission, the inquiry, and what the future might hold.
She had become too complacent in her life here. Had allowed herself to be comfortable while off world with her team. They had slipped behind her defenses and now she cared too much about them. Her slayer’s edge had been dulled. Instead of keeping an eye out for the enemy, she was more interested in the naming of Simon’s unborn son.
Maybe this was the true reason why the slayer traditionally worked alone. While the connection to the world gave her something to fight for, they were also a liability. They distracted her from her duty and her sloppiness had serious consequences.
If that was true then she could no longer be an effective member of the team, which also meant failure. Things were already bad at the SGC because of her screw up and with the current president having less than a month left in office he wouldn’t be able to help her – not that she wanted him to. She only wanted to stay if she was still a valuable member, but she was beginning to believe that wasn’t going to be the case.
Despite what Jack had told her during her visit that day, she knew she should be held accountable for what happened out in the field and the inquiry. It was only a matter of time before he looked closely at the facts and realized that she was right. For now, he was too close to her to see everything clearly.
She rolled over to her side to look out the window. The moon lit the backyard and it seemed to call to her. When had been the last time she patrolled? It had been long before she moved to Colorado Springs.
Even though Willow and the others had long since accepted that she was happy here, perhaps their first assessment was correct. Maybe she was abandoning her calling by working here. This whole mission could have been a sadistic sign from the Powers to get her back on the straight and narrow. To return to the tried and true method of being a slayer – patrolling the streets for vampires and demons. Alone.
It was a possibility.
A return to what she obviously did best. She could make her break from the SGC and Jack on her own terms. Go back to Cleveland to reorient herself and then pick out a remote hotspot to use her slayer abilities.
Buffy threw back the sheets and went to make a phone call. Ignoring the small voice in the back of her head telling her that she was actually just running from Jack and the possibility of losing another person she loved.
